There has been a lot of traffic lately on the Beeripedia. Lots of new things posted in just the last few days.  Head on over and give it a look see…

Yeah, I know it’s “subtitled”… still hilarious.

So far I’m liking Fred Thompson for the next President. As VP either Guiliani or McCain is fine. But my hope is that Fred is the candidate that makes it.

Some Random Facts About Fred Thompson from IMAO that I liked best. Read IMAO for the rest…

* The reason Fred Thompson didn’t want to stay in the Senate for long is because all the extra scrutiny kept him from doing his favorite hobby: Prowling the streets at night killing drug dealers.

* Every night before going to sleep, Osama bin Laden checks under his bed for Fred Thompson.

* Fred Thompson took over what was Al Gore’s Senate seat, thereby dramatically reducing the Senate’s carbon footprint. Fred Thompson then created carbon offset offsets by wastefully burning hippies.

* The Fremen consider “Fred Thompson” a killing word.

* Fred Thompson reconsidered running for reelection after 9/11 but later decided to handle things on his own. He was soon seen entering the Middle East with a bottle of tequila in one hand an a handgun in the other. They’re still counting the dead.

* Though Fred Thompson left the Senate in 2003, Harry Reid still hasn’t stopped wetting his pants.

* Fred Thompson once ended a filibuster by ripping out a Senator’s heart and showing it to him before he died.

* Only two things can kill Superman: Kryptonite and Fred Thompson.

* Fred Thompson vows not only to win in Iraq but also to forcefully free Vietnam from Communism, thus giving America a perfect win/loss record for wars again.

* Webster’s Dictionary defines “conservatism” as “how closely one’s views resemble those of Fred Thompson.”

* When terrorists get to the afterlife, they’ll find that none of their seventy-two women are still virgins. Why? Because of Fred Thompson.

One of the best lines was in one of the comments left:
* If Fred Thompson was at Thermopylae the movie would have been called 1 and we’d all be wondering if Persia really ever existed.

Two priests decided to go to Hawaii on vacation. They were determined to make this a real vacation escape by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. As soon as the plane landed, they headed for a store and bought some outrageous shorts, shirts and sandals.
The next morning they went to the beach dressed in their tourist garb. They were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a drop dead gorgeous blonde wearing a string bikini came walking straight towards them.
They couldn’t help but stare. As the blonde passed them she smiled and said, “Good Morning, Father. Good Morning, Father,” nodding and addressing each of them individually.
They were both stunned. How in the world did she know they were priests?
So the next day, they went back to the store and bought even more outrageous outfits. These were so loud you could hear them before you saw them. Once again, in their new attire, they settled on the beach in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine. After a while, the same gorgeous blonde, this time topless with just a thong bikini, taking her sweet time, came walking toward them. Again she nodded at each of them, she said, “Good morning, Father. Good morning, Father,” and started to walk away.
One of the priests couldn’t stand it any longer and said, “Just a minute, young lady.”
“Yes, Father?” she said.
“We are priests and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world did you know we are priests, Dressed as we are?”
“Father, it’s me, Sister Margaret.”

A man died and went to Heaven. As he stood in front of the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, “What are all those clocks?”

St. Peter answered, “Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock move.”

“Oh”, said the man. “Whose clock is that?”

“That’s Mother Teresa’s”, replied St. Peter. “The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie.”

“Incredible”, said the man. “And whose clock is that one?”

St. Peter responded, “That’s Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abraham told only two lies in his entire life.”

“Where’s Hilary’s clock?” asked the man.

“Hilary’s clock is in Jesus’ office. He’s using it as a ceiling fan.”

The traditional OSI seven protocol Network Framework stack from ISO has been altered to incorporate business realities which affect sub-layer implementations.

Layer 0: Facilities
Layer 1: Physical
Layer 2: Data Link
Layer 3: Network
Layer 4: Transport
Layer 5: Session
Layer 6: Presentation
Layer 7: Application
Layer 8: Money
Layer 9: Politics
Layer 10: Executive Whim

Because DSL won’t turn off your service for speeding.

And if your neighbor is downloading porn 24-7, it won’t slow you down…

You know, its just because this is a rockin’ song… Dancing bears AND generals all in the same video.

I won!  Well, it was a recipe contest for best Irish grub.  So I submitted my Guinness Beef Stew!  See the-food-spot for the recipe…

And other SciFi OS choices, like Dr. Who…

Bling

The word “bling” refers to any unnecessary accumulation of metal or jewellery which impresses the simple-minded. Examples of bling-related activity include: driving a car with shiny platinum rims, arriving at a movie premiere in a hat made of glittering diamonds, or pointing at a big block of gold and cooing away for hours on end like an unforgivable moron whose mere existence ultimately cheapens us all. Bling is the single most shallow, boring and wilfully superficial cultural phenomenon ever to excite humankind, which is saying something for a species already hooked on internet poker.

Two old friends were just about to tee off at the first hole of their local golf course when a guy carrying a golf bag called out to them, “Do you mind if I join you? My partner didn’t turn up.”

“Sure,” they said, “You’re welcome.” So they started playing and enjoyed the game and the company of the newcomer. Part way around the course, one of the friends asked the newcomer, “What do you do for a living?

“I’m a hit man,” was the reply.

“You’re joking!” was the response.

“No, I’m not,” he said, reaching into his golf bag, and pulling out a beautiful Martini sniper’s rifle with a large telescopic sight.
“Here are my tools.”

“That’s a beautiful telescopic sight,” said the other friend, “Can I take a look? I think I might be able to see my house from here.”
So he picked up the rifle and looked through the sight in the direction of his house.

“Yeah, I can see my house all right. This sight is fantastic. I can see right in the window.” “Wow, I can see my wife in the bedroom. Ha Ha, I can see she’s naked!! Wait a minute, that’s my neighbor in there with her…… He’s naked, too!!!

He turned to the hit man, “How much do you charge for a hit?”

I’ll do a flat rate, for you, one thousand dollars every time I pull the trigger.”

“Can you do two for me now?”
(more…)

Take the test. I got a 93.7%

John Popper has been arrested

Blues Traveler singer and harmonica player John Popper was arrested after the vehicle he was riding in was clocked going 111 mph, the Washington State Patrol said Wednesday.Popper, 39, was arrested Tuesday afternoon on Interstate 90 near the Spokane/Lincoln county line, the Washington State Patrol said.

Inside the black Mercedes SUV, officers found a cache of weapons and a small amount of marijuana, the Patrol said. A police dog searched the vehicle, finding numerous hidden compartments containing four rifles, nine handguns and a switchblade knife. Authorities also found a Taser and night vision goggles. The vehicle was seized.

Popper, who lives in Snohomish, Washington, is the owner of the vehicle, which was being driven by Brian Gourgeois, 34, of Austin, Texas, said state patrol Trooper Jeff Sevigney. The vehicle also had flashing emergency headlights, a siren and a public address system, the Patrol said.

What I want to know… is why these weren’t options available when I bought my last car!!!

However, computer security people are even worse.

Everything you have been told about what to use when choosing a password is wrong. More than 8 characters… can’t reuse passwords, or my favorite idiotic rule: change every 30 days. Avoiding Risky Password Rules can explain what is wrong with all those “must have” rules for passwords.

I mean, whats more important, what is on your computer, or what you protect with a 4 digit number, namely your bank account?

A practical example:  At Peach Bottom nuclear power plant in the early 90s, they required monthly password changes.  I could sit down at any desk and log in as almost any user within 3 tries.  Their password in 4/92 would be:  April92, 92April, or if they were really trying to be difficult, April1992.  And on May 1st, everyone would change their password to….. May92, 92May or May1992.

Don’t laugh!” said the patient, Ed…
“Of course I won’t laugh,” the doctor said. “I’m a professional. In over twenty years I’ve never laughed at a patient.”
“Okay then,” Ed said, & proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest ‘whooha’ the doctor had ever seen. It couldn’t have been bigger than the size of a AAA battery.
Unable to control himself, the doctor started giggling, then fell laughing to the floor. Ten minutes later he was able to struggle to his feet & regain his composure.
“I’m so sorry,” said the doctor. “I really am. I don’t know what came over me. On my honor as a doctor & a gentleman, I promise it won’t happen again. Now what seems to be the problem?”

“It’s swollen,” Ed replied…

Why do I hate feminists? Let me count the ways…

1) I am a stay at home mom. I wanted to be a stay at home mom. I’m not saying that I want to retire at 65, still a stay at home mom, but this is my warm happy spot right now. So listen up feminists - I am not an oppressed female, I am not so stupid that I can’t handle a “real” job (frankly, I graduated with honors from both of my college experiences, thank you), and please tell me, who better to raise my children, than myself? Yes, me, the one that really loves them, the one that actually has a decent education, the one whose main goal in life is to make my girls’ lives as wonderful as possible. Now, the feminist would say that the minimum wage earning person with no vested interest in my girls would provide the best care for them - but can we really believe that?

2) I hate the feminists that seem to think that stay at home mom is not a “real” job. This is a 24 / 7 commitment. The wages are horrible. The vacation time is nonexistent. And forget about lunch breaks. You can never even guarantee a full nights sleep - ever. So, frankly feminists, I don’t think that you can “handle” my job.

3) Why do feminists still seem to adore Bill Clinton? Isn’t that one HUGE bit of hypocracy? And yes, it is the Monica thing, again. But, if Clinton was just mild mannered Joe CEO, and if Monica was just mind mannered intern to Joe CEO, then you would have all the feminists up in arms declaring sexual harrassment, etc. They would be crying over the poor, gullable intern. They would be demanding Joe CEO’s resignation. So, when the whole Monica thing came out - who should the feminists immediately supported? But, being the hypocritical feminists that they are, they then painted Monica as the evil seductress… Poor Bill, he’s got the finger on the nuke button, but he can’t possibly handle himself against a 20ish female intern…

4) Feminists seem to have sold all of their many “ideals” for the one demand of abortion on demand to anyone. Gee, are you 9 months pregnant, but suddenly have the urge to abort? That’s fine. It doesn’t matter if the child is viable - just get rid of it. Or, more importantly to me (since I am the mother of three girls) - gee, are you under age, yet don’t want your parents to know that you want to have an abortion - that’s great. Your parents don’t need to know that you just underwent major surgery. They don’t need to know that they need to be on the lookout for complications (which you, the underage girl, will of course try to hide from your parents, since they aren’t supposed to know about the abortion in the first place). So, yes, I hate feminists because they have traded all of their “lofty aspirations” for the single minded focus that any woman, at any age, at any stage of pregnancy should have access to an abortion…

5) And let’s talk about the ways that feminists seem to be affecting our girls. They certainly are not teaching our girls to appreciate themselves. Our girls seem to have ever increasing self esteem issues. The girls seem to feel the need to dress like they are about to go bar hopping at the age of ten. Media provides them wonderful role models such as Brittany Spears, Lindsey Lohan and Paris Hilton (I’m willing to bet that there isn’t a scientist in the bunch). And I’ve heard feminists claim that this is a good thing, because men have always been this free. But, do we really need to sexualize pre teens?

6) And finally, let’s talk about the way that feminists have affected our men. We now have generations of men who have grown up during a time that the feminists have declared that women can do everything, and that we don’t need men. The whole “I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in the pan (please don’t make me type the entire thing, you’ve heard it before)”. So, can we really expect men to actually help around the house, raise the kids, stay with the family, or earn a living? After all, they’ve been told that women can do it all, can we blame a man for letting us?

7) OK, I lied about the above being the last. Why is it that the feminists are sooooo against the Iraq war? Or war on terrorists? Last I heard, the Taliban wasn’t that feminist friendly - shouldn’t the feminists be on the front lines, proclaiming that they are at war to “free” all women from the evils of burkas? Shouldn’t they be outraged that there is a 16 year old girl in Iran that is about to be executed, because she had the nerve to kill the man who was attempting to rape her? Shouldn’t they be screaming because in Saudi Arabia, almost 70 girls were burned to a crisp, because their school caught on fire, and the door was barred from the outside, because the girls did not have their burkas on?

So, at this point, what good has the feminist cause done? Allow me to open my own door - gee thanks. Allow men to believe that they shouldn’t pay for your dinner while dating - thanks again. I’m a’tingle.

This article has been cross-posted on
Jack of All Trades

This has to be the funniest thing I’ve seen in a very, very long time.

A five-year political study of movies manages to find the obvious…

A new five-year study of the top 250 to 300 movies released by Hollywood each year in North America shows that moviegoers prefer patriotic, capitalist, pro-American movies with traditional, Judeo-Christian values rather than movies pushing a left-wing, anti-capitalist, socialist, atheist, or homosexual agenda.

Of course the spin will be that 90% of the country is backward redneck hicks who just don’t get it…

Who knew?