Defend yourself against the coming robot rebellion…

Any robot could rebel, from a toaster to a Terminator, and so it is crucial to learn the strengths and weaknesses of every robot enemy,” author Daniel H. Wilson warns in “How to Survive a Robot Uprising: Tips on Defending Yourself Against the Coming Rebellion.”
What makes the book cool — and unlike some other survival books — is that Wilson is an actual roboticist, who got his Ph.D. from Carnegie Mellon last month. While his scenarios are outlandish — describing attacks by humanoid robots, some of them with creepy tails, some that can climb walls or swim — the research on how to build and attack the robot creatures is quite real.

I’m a big Alton Brown fan. I love his cooking show… "Good Eats".  I read his books.  I try out his recipes.  I check out his web page on a regular basis.

Alton seems like an intelligent person with an enjoyable his sense of humor.  I don’t know him personally, but I like to believe that he’s a good man with decent intentions.

So I was very disappointed in the world when I found this posting on his site…

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Some of you may have noticed that the “contact” button is gone from my web site and that my rant calling for refrigerator pics is gone. Here’s why: although many of you sent in some really nice pics and insightful, fun emails some of you decided to send vulgar, nasty, frightening messages and images. I always knew there was ugliness and meanness out there but you know what, I don’t have to give you a place to put it. So, the portal is closed and will remain so. If you harvested the address, don’t bother using it because it will simply dump your mail into oblivion.

I’m disappointed, upset, disillusioned, and upgrading my security system. To those who wanted to play nice, I sure am sorry but life’s just too short to drink poison.

posted by Alton
3:45 PM

Dear Alton,

I don’t blame you.  Life is too damn short to have to deal with attention seeking jerks who have nothing better to do than fill your Inbox with junk.  However, many of us out here still want to hear from you… so keep updating that website.

Thanks.

Matthew

So you thought police officers didn’t have a sense of humor….The following were taken off of actual police car videos around the country.

#15 “Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch out after you wear them awhile.”
#14 “Take your hands off the car, and I’ll make your birth certificate a worthless document.”
#13 “If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired.”
#12 “Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn’t know, that is the average speed of a 9mm bullet fired from my gun.”
#11 “So you don’t know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?”
#10 “Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don’t think it will help. Oh . did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?”
#9 “Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I’m warning you not to do that again or I’ll give you another ticket.”
#8 “The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?”
#7 “Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey s#*!.”
#6 “Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.”
#5 “In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC.”
#4 “Just how big were those two beers?”
#3 “No sir, we don’t have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we’re allowed to write as many tickets as we want.”
#2 “I’m glad to hear that Sheriff Tom Ariss is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail.”

and the best one…………………………………………..

#1 “You didn’t think we give pretty women tickets? ….. You’re right, we don’t…Sign here.”

There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job it was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses. One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God. He thought he should open it to see what it was about. The letter read:

“Dear God: I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had $100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension check. Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with. I have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. Can you please help me? Sincerely, Edna”

The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few dollars. By the time he made the rounds, he had collected $98, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman. The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends. Christmas came and went. A few days later, another letter came from the old lady to God. All the postal workers gathered around while the letter was opened, and read.

“Dear God: How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift. By the way, there was $2 missing. I think it must have been those thieving bums at the Post Office. Thanks and praise to Your Name, Edna”

This is what happens on a Friday afternoon while waiting for a return call from Tech Support…

Matthew says:
This sandwich sucks… wish I had thought to bring the sandwich from the refrigerator at home in today. (We got Capriotti’s last night. And I’ve got half a Cole Turkey waiting for me at home… that is if Katie hasn’t eaten it already.)
Chad says:
i have a roast turkey at home i was thinking about shredding up for subs
Matthew says:
Add some cole slaw… and a little salad dressing… and you’re there.
Matthew says:
Need cheese… and a roll of course.
Chad says:
i like the bobby myself…
Matthew says:
That works too…
Chad says:
think i’ll do that on sunday, so i’ll have subs all week long at work
Matthew says:
I like the Bobby’s… but I like Cole Turkey’s as well.
Matthew says:
Mmmmm… cole slaw in a sandwich…
Chad says:
yup
Chad says:
ok, i’m getting ready to head down and get a sandwich now you bastard
Chad says:
ok, i’ll be back in 5… gonna grab grub…
Matthew says:
Kewl.
Chad says:
ahh, much better
Chad says:
tuna sandwich…
Chad says:
with bacon!!!
Matthew says:
Good call…
Chad says:
yup
Matthew says:
I’m in the mood to develop a game… don’t know what yet.
Chad says:
“the return of pimp wars”
Matthew says:
Nice!!!
Matthew says:
Pimp Daddy: The Orgy
Matthew says:
brb
Matthew says:
I play the “It’s a Raid!” card on Chad, but he counters with the “Cops Ride for Free” card.
Chad says:
hehheh
Chad says:
exactly
Matthew says:
Then… Chad counter attacks with the “It Itches a Little…” card… Oh… Matt already spent his “Pennicilin” card 2 turns ago.
Matthew says:
Damn…
Matthew says:
Wow… I should develop that game. I’d buy it just for the giggle factor…
Chad says:
i return with the “shootout” card where someone moves into your turf
Matthew says:
Matt plays his “She’s caught in the Crossfire” card… and Chad loses one of his B|tches.
Chad says:
no problem, i’ll import more from eastern europe
Matthew says:
Damn… that’s just wrong. I love it.
Matthew says:
Maybe a supplimental game for “Zombies!!!”… that’d be fun.
Chad says:
romanian zombie hookers
Matthew says:
In the new game suppliment… “Graveyard A-Go-Go”…

I’m sure that within a few days I’ll be the number 1 google result for romanian zombie hookers.

OK, do you realize what the most popular search term that brings people to this site is?
Not “pirates”, even though that is top five.
“Insightful commentary” isn’t it either.
“Pirate wenches” isn’t even top ten!

It’s “juggies” doncha know.

Yes, it’s true. Juggies is what brings people to Pirate-King.

Looks like Michael Moore is busted!

PORCINE provocateur Michael Moore likes to portray himself as a working-class man of the people, but a new book exposes him as a “corporate criminal, environmental menace and racist union-buster.”

In “Do As I Say, Not As I Do: Profiles in Liberal Hypocrisy,” Peter Schweizer reveals that Moore, who has been vociferous in his criticism of defense contractor Halliburton, has bought and sold hundreds of shares of Halliburton stock  and that of other defense contractors  through his private foundation.

Moore, who has claimed he doesn’t own a “single share” of stock, has also invested heavily in HMOs and pharmaceutical giants, the targets of his next movie, “Sickos.”

Moore also likes to rail against what he calls rampant racism in the United States and the fact that supposedly no one hires blacks for good jobs. Schweizer points out that “out of the 134 producers, editors, cinematographers, composers, and production coordinators Moore hired, only three were black.” And not one African-American lives in the ritzy Michigan enclave where Moore has a $1 million mansion.

And while publicly championing unions, Moore has been quite anti-union in his own business dealings and had several clashes with the Writers Guild.

Hehhehh… now, he’s a real man of the peoples.
Considering now most people own stock, have health insurance, and lie about their personal lives.

Watch This movie to find out what happens behind the scenes at Microsoft when you send a bug report.

I’ve been reading the online version of "Order of the Stick" since they were still counting their strips with double digits.  I loved every bit of it.  So when the first book was published, I showed my support and ordered a copy.

Well… it looks like it’s that time again.  A second OotS book is available for pre-order.  It will be released in mid-November, and chronicles the origins of our merry band of dungeon questing adventurers.  Yes… the contents of this book will NOT be available online.  If you want to know the secrets, then you’re going to have to buy the book. 

If you’re still an OotS virgin, then click the banner above… I envy the joy you will experience from reading through the entire online series for the first time.  Then, if you like it… consider picking up one (or both) of the available books.  I’ve already placed my order!

Well, not quite. But we are the #1 search on MSN for the following phrase:
dancing woman who want find work from romania

How, I do not know…

We’re also the top search on Yahoo for: red neck cb radio

Once again, something to be mighty proud of!

I was wondering if anyone out there could enlighten me as to what Chow Yun-Fat is doing these days?

A few minutes ago, it dawned on me that I really haven’t seen anything from him since "Bulletproof Monk" (2003).  I took a look at IMDb to find the answer.  Now… his filmography does have some future projects listed, including the role of a Captain in the expected 2007 release of "Pirates of the Caribbean 3"… (yes… "PotC 2: Dead Man’s Chest" is also in production.)

However… Chow doesn’t seem to have anything listed for 2004 or 2005.

So where has he been?  What’s he been doing?

I don’t like being intrusive into a celebrity’s life, but I’m damn curious.  I love his work.

Does anyone have the answer?

Even worse than finding that Scotland is banning swords, the new James Bond is afraid of guns.

Turns out the new James Bond is afraid of guns:

"That's a simple fact. I've seen a bullet wound and it was a mess. It was on a shoot and it scared me. Bullets have a nasty habit of finding their target and that's what's scary about them."

Oh, boo-hoo. “It scared me!” Your fear doesn’t stop you from collecting your salary, does it? I think your protestations have more to do with the current climate among movie glitterati than any deep-seated horror. Freud opined that fear of guns is a sign of sexual immaturity”¦ is there something you’re holding back?

Welcome back to Rebel Yell!

I’ve heard that the Scots are going a bit soft, but this is completely ridiculous!

Campaigners have urged MSPs to support their opposition to any ban on the sale of swords.

Ministers want to restrict sales as part of a clampdown on knife crime.

However, the Save Our Swords group has handed in a 2,000-name petition and warned that a ban could threaten a part of Scotland’s heritage.

Scotland is banning swords.
That’s just daft!
This is just so damn silly, I’m not even sure what I want to say about it!
OK, I have an idea.
Let’s try this: Banning swords in Scotland is pathetic.
I won’t even get into the part about William Wallace dragging his coffin to somewhere less LOSER like… uhhh… Haiti.

What is it?

A performance artist’s show which saw her spend three hours balancing on a beam while becoming drunk on lager has been defended by theatre officials.

It’s art!
Finally, something that both Homer and myself can understand!

You scored as Hoban ‘Wash’ Washburne. The Pilot. You are a leaf on the wind, see how you soar. You have a good job, and a stunning wife who loves you (and can kill people). Life is good, which is why you can’t help smiling. Now if you can just get people to actually listen to your opinion things would be perfect. Hoban 'Wash' Washburne 88% Capt. Mal Reynolds 81% Zoe Alleyne Washburne 81% The Operative 81% River Tam 81% Jayne Cobb 69% Inara Serra 63% Shepherd Derrial Book 63% Simon Tam 56% Kaylee Frye 56%

Which Serenity character are you?
created with QuizFarm.com
Seriously,Would y’all let ME fly the bird? I figured I’d end up the gun happy Psyco. I must be slipping

On CNN.com…
But thankfully there is this.

From the Mudville Gazette…

The number one reason for staying in the Guard is:

..."because as I look around at the state of this nation and see all of the weak little pampered candy-asses that are whining about this or protesting that, I'd be afraid to leave the fate of this nation entirely up to them."

Thank you to 1Lt Bruce Bishop, a firefighter and Afghanistan veteran.

The Times Online has this to say…

The people of Iraq have ratified the country’s draft constitution after its opponents narrowly failed to reject the document, it was announced today.

…

Overall, 78 per cent of Iraqis voted for and 21 per cent against the constitution, the Independent Electoral Commission of Iraq said.

Whoa, that was close! Of course, recounts are demanded all over by lawyers the democrats sent in as poll monitors.

Of course, the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th paragraph has more to do with the story that the media can’t wait to print, the US Death #2000.

The results came as the American military death toll in Iraq rose to 1,999 and militants launched two more bomb attacks in Baghdad.

A suicide bomber attacked a US convoy in the Mansour district of the city, killing one civilian, and a roadside bomb exploded near one of Baghdad’s children’s hospitals, killing one person.

The American death toll increased as the US military announced that two marines had been killed last week by a roadside bomb in the town of Amariya outside Fallujah.

Via the BBC-

Statistically, Brazil is one of the most violent places on Earth. Last year, 36,000 people were killed with guns - more than in any other country.

And yet the Brazilian people have voted in a referendum to reject a proposal to ban the sale of firearms.

So what happened? To outsiders, this referendum looked like a no-brainer.

In a country where one person is killed with a gun every 15 minutes, surely the public would vote in favour of an outright ban on gun sales?

Wrong. By a resounding 64% to 36%, Brazilians decided to keep the gun shops open. The result was more decisive than any poll had predicted.

Essentially the people saw this as the government taking away their civil rights.
And that is incredibly true. However the Brazilian constitution does not mention any right to bear arms.
But just because the document does not grant you every right does not mean it exists. Any democratic government must exist only through the will of the people it governs.
And in this case, the people made its will known.

OK… I took a look at that Top-25 list from The Register, and it just didn’t quite sit well with me. The list just seemed a bit one-sided. Now… that’ll be true of most people’s fav lists… and I understand that many people find it difficult to gauge a film that doesn’t fit into something that they specifically like.

Now… most that know me know that I like movies. I’m usually not too partial to a specific genre… I just like movies.  So I decided to come up with my own Top-25 list.  I tried to stick to films that I thought were significant enough to make an impact on me.  So… yes… this list is jaded as well.  However, I did my best to pick what I think are brilliant films… as such, you will please note that at no time in this list will you ever see me use the word “Matrix”.

OK. Here goes…
25 - La Femme Nikita —  yes… it’s french… but it’s damn good.
24 - Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World — as close as you can get to living on an 18th century frigate… but without the smell.
23 - Forbidden Planet –  classic science fiction at it’s best!
22 - Gaslight –  I prefer the 1944 version with Charles Boyer and Ingrid Bergman… plus… this was Angela Lansbury’s first film role… I love it when she says “Coo !”
21 - The Blues Brothers –  this has to be the greatest collection of car wrecks ever filmed
20 - Planet of the Apes –  the original… none of that Marky Mark version, thank you
19 - Cool Hand Luke –  here’s a bit of trivia for you… Luke’s prison number is 37… which is in reference to the Bible in Luke 1:37 which reads… “For with God nothing shall be impossible.”
18 - Arsenic and Old Lace –  this macabre comedy is worth watching just to see Cary Grant’s exaggerated double- and triple-takes on finding the body in the window seat.
17 - Mad Max –  you’ve got to love a movie with character names like Toecutter, Mudguts, and Clunk
16 - The American President –  this is one of those feel good films that delves into the idea that “politics is preception”… well… it’s true, don’tcha know
15 - Alien –  this was one of the first films I remember seeing in the theatre when I was young… and it scared the ever-living out of me… I loved it!
14 - The Philadelphia Story –  Katharine Hepburn, Cary Grant, and James Stewart… in one film… ’nuff said
13 - Saving Private Ryan –  I don’t usually go in for Tom Hanks films too often, but this one was worth the time and effort.
12 - Bringing Up Baby –  Fast-paced conversations, screwball antics, and Cary Grant announcing he’s suddenly gone gay… comic perfection.
11 - Serenity –  Yes, I’m a Browncoat… and, no… that didn’t influence my voting.
10 - Rocky –  Yo!  I’ve noticed that there are alot of people (women mostly) who jump to conclusions about this film.  Give it a chance… just once.  I convinced my wife to finally watch it with me… and she cursed me afterwards because she actually liked it.
8 - Forrest Gump –  This is another Tom Hanks film that I thought was rather good.  Of course… Lieutenant Dan was my favorite character.
9 - Three Days of the Condor — Who knew that reading books could be so dangerous.  One of Robert Redford’s best films!
7 - Léon (aka… The Professional) –  Jean Reno takes Natalie Portman under his wing and begins training her as an assassin.  Brilliant!  It’ll probably never happen, but every day I hope and pray that oneday a sequel will be made… named “Mathilda”.
6 - Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid –  Not that it matters, but most of it is true.
5 - All the President’s Men –  Thanks for the first amendment!
4 - Raiders of the Lost Ark –  Indy never loses his hat throughout the entire film… because it would have caused problems with continuity.  Later, it became a running joke.
3 - Star Wars –  Of course this made the Top list… duh.
2 - The Shawshank Redemption –  I think a man working outdoors feels more like a man if he can have a bottle of suds. That’s only my opinion.
1 - The Great Escape –  In my humble opinion… the best film ever made.

As an additional note… I’d like to throw out one more list.

Anarchy’s Top-10 List of Films that you’ve probably NEVER heard of, but MUST SEE.

10 - The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai: Across the Eighth Dimension –  Peter Weller, John Lithgow, Jeff Goldblum, Christopher Lloyd, … and the list just keeps going… and going.
9 - Ngo si sui (aka… Who Am I?) –  Fight now. Ask questions later.
8 - Dung fong saam hap (aka… The Heroic Trio) –  Not a great film… but it’s a fun chicks-with-superpowers film.
7 - The Matchmaker –  Janeane Garofalo at her best!
6 - Tampopo –  A diner cook and a truck driver set out to find the secret to the perfect bowl of noodles.
5 - Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins –  Chiun never does get around to telling us about Lesson #36.
4 - Six-String Samurai –  Float away, little butterfly. Just flutter away.
3 - Die xue shuang xiong (aka… The Killer) –  Body Count = 120
2 - Lola Rennt (aka… Run Lola Run) –  Check out all the symbolism… the clocks, the breaking glass, the # 20… and damn, can that girl scream!
1 - El Mariachi –  this film is proof that when a film maker is hungry, he can be very creative… sadly, Mr. Rodriguez lost his edge the moment he had a budget.