Via Dodgeblogium…

the Wit (65% dark, 30% spontaneous, 33% vulgar)

your humor style: CLEAN | COMPLEX | DARK You like things edgy, subtle, and smart. I guess that means you’re probably an intellectual, but don’t take that to mean you’re pretentious. You realize ‘dumb’ can be witty–after all isn’t that the Simpsons’ philosophy?–but rudeness for its own sake, ‘gross-out’ humor and most other things found in a fraternity leave you totally flat. I guess you just have a more cerebral approach than most. You have the perfect mindset for a joke writer or staff writer. Your sense of humor takes the most effort to appreciate, but it’s also the best, in my opinion. Also, you probably loved the Office. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, check it out here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/theoffice/. PEOPLE LIKE YOU: Jon Stewart - Woody Allen - Ricky Gervais

Is art getting out of hand? From Country Store again:

Over in the UK a Thief ‘drinks’ work of art:
An artist's latest work - a bottle of melted Antarctic ice - may have been stolen and drunk by a thirsty thief.
Artist Wayne Hill filled a two-litre clear plastic bottle with melted ice to highlight global warming.
But the artwork, valued at £42,500, went missing while on display at a literary festival, reports the Scotsman.
Entitled Weapon of Mass Destruction, it vanished halfway through the Ways with Words festival at Dartington Hall, Devon.
Mr Hill said: "It looked like an ordinary bottle of water, but it was on a plinth, labelled, described and in the programme of the whole festival.
"It was very, very clear what it was - a work of art."

Ok, ok, wait a minute here.
A bottle of water. I guess I can see the artistic value of melting Antarctic ice having some deeper meaning.
But £42,500? What the hell makes people think that it is worth that much frikkin money?

So I’m out barbaqueing a pork shoulder and a polish sausage, and I get my first BBQ related injury.
Step on a rock that was too close to the charcoal chimney. No shoes, so I burned two toes. Great… really annoying.
But it smells damn good out there!

Country Store:

Everyone’s favorite Syrian terrorist apologist, Helen Thomas, makes us a promise:
Veteran wire reporter Helen Thomas is vowing to ‘kill herself’ if Dick Cheney announces he is running for president.
Make a wish!

I wonder if anyone has the “Draft Cheney ‘08″ website yet…

NASA - 10th Planet Discovered:

July 29, 2005: “It’s definitely bigger than Pluto.” So says Dr. Mike Brown of the California Institute of Technology who announced today the discovery of a new planet in the outer solar system.
The planet, which hasn’t been officially named yet, was found by Brown and colleagues using the Samuel Oschin Telescope at Palomar Observatory near San Diego. It is currently about 97 times farther from the sun than Earth, or 97 Astronomical Units (AU). For comparison, Pluto is 40 AU from the sun.

Of course people are already nominating names to use…

Your Hidden Talent

You have the power to persuade and influence others. You’re the type of person who can turn a whole room around. The potential for great leadership is there, as long as you don’t abuse it. Always remember, you have a lot more power over people than you might think!

Thanks to Candy…

So I’m needing a new charcoal smoker grill. I have a small portable gas grill for just making something for dinner after work, but for that nice weekend barbaque, propane is about as welcome as fire ants.
And I want one with a side smoker unit, to make slow cooking with smoke very easy to do.
Now, the local home megamarts have for about 160$ a fairly nice grill with a side smoker attached. But its thin metal, and the stand it comes on looks about as stable as balsa wood would be underneath. Even the demo units rock side to side. Nope, a good solid frame is a must. And metal that won’t rust through in two years is also very important. Charcoal dust tends to absorb water quickly, which means if you don’t quickly clean out the traps. So good thick metal is a must have.
It looks like I’ll be paying a premium price, so I might as well get something great. And since this is a bit much even for me, I think I’ll go for the one at the left. Its going to be about 700$ delivered by frieght, but it will last till after I’m long turned to dust myself!

My Casio ATC-1200 watch with altimiter, thermometer, and compass is stuck in damn metric mode which is entirely useless.
How to I change it back to normal useful measurents like fahrenheit, farthings, and hogsheads?
**Update** hey, I found the manual, and realized why I couldn’t just figure it out. It’s about 20 steps to accomplish… sheesh, limited user interface!

James Doohan, aka Cmdr. Scott of the USS Enterprise, RIP.

Bionics are in use already.

Electrician Jesse Sullivan lost both his arms after receiving an electric shock at work, and thought he would never again lead an independent life.

However, scientists at the Rehabilitation Institute of Chicago attached a unique “bionic” arm to his left shoulder. This artificial arm is directed by his own brain.

Ok, lets see… something pithy to say…
Oh yeah! I want to combine that story with this one!
Remote-Controlled Robotic Hand Performs Breast Exams

A remote-controlled robotic hand will soon enable medical specialists to examine women from anywhere in the world. The robotic hand is controlled from a distance using a haptic glove, in which each finger is connected to a motion-sensing device. The operator’s hand movements are relayed to the robotic hand, which mimics them perfectly.

Developed at Michigan State University, the arm incorporates an ultrasound sensor; three video cameras make sure that the operator can get the best possible view of the procedure.

“Having the capability of ultrasound and palpation simultaneously is a major advantage,” adds Ranjan Mukherjee, another member of the Michigan team. “Often the ultrasound and exam are done separately. But if the physician can look at the image and feel what he or she is seeing, that’s another huge advantage.”
The next step for the teleoperated robotic breast examination system is clinical trials to demonstrate reliability. The device could be commercially available within the next five years.

Here’s my enlightened review of the Friday night lineup on SciFi channel..
Stargate SG1 - I really like… the new cast rules. Claudia Black is perfect and hilarious in her role as Vala. Although the wife wanted to know where the farting muppets were. Of course the playoff with Ben Browder’s light colonel Mitchell is going to be great I hope. I think thie new cast is going to breath new life into this show which has started to lapse a bit.
Stargate Atlantis - Mitch Pileggi’s arrival with the new star battlecruiser the Daedalus has just the right hint of… annoyance… that he always has had when acting. I like the addition of mucho firepower to the show, since being on the losing side against all odds, well, gets a little boring after a while. It is real nice to kick ass once in a while.
BSG - A frustrating opener, but that is what the show is about. I do have a hard time believing the ending, where they didn’t immediately have marines visit the cylon ship that crashed into the starboard landing bay. Whoever the security officer is should be sent in alone…

Fox News regarding the prisoners being roughed up a bit in Gitmo:

Arizona Republican Sen. John McCain (search), who was subjected to torture for five and a half years while in captivity in a North Vietnamese prison, said these techniques endanger U.S. fighting forces.

“What happens next time when a conflict with an American not in a uniform on some kind of clandestine operation  such as our people who were in Afhganistan in civilian clothes  is captured? What kind of protections do you think that that American service man or woman is going to get?” McCain asked.

No offense Senator, but none. First off, even our uniformed soldiers are not getting any protections. And beyond that, if our soldiers are breaking the Geneva conventions by wearing civilian clothes, that is the chance that they are taking. We either follow the rules or not.

Chinese General: We’ll Nuke U.S. in Fight for Taiwan

China is prepared to destroy “hundreds” of American cities if it is attacked by the U.S. during a confrontation over Taiwan, a Chinese general said on Thursday.

“If the Americans draw their missiles and position-guided ammunition onto the target zone on China’s territory, I think we will have to respond with nuclear weapons,” said Gen. Zhu Chenghu at a meeting of foreign journalists.
…
“We will prepare ourselves for the destruction of all of the cities east of Xian. Of course, the Americans will have to be prepared that hundreds of cities will be destroyed by the Chinese.”

Gen. Zhu said his views did not represent official Chinese policy. And some U.S.-based China experts said he probably did not represent the mainstream People’s Liberation Army view.

Yeah, its their unofficial policy.
Also covered by the Llamas

MSN has a typical fluff piece on why people buy labrador retrievers.

The AKC’s stats show that the large-dog trend started to gather steam in 1972, as breeds such as Labs, Doberman pinschers, and Rottweilers showed steady increases from year to year. The trend continued throughout the ’90s; at some points in the decade, only one of the AKC’s Toy breedsa group that includes diminutive dogs such as the Shih Tzu and the Yorkshire terriercracked the list’s annual top 10.

But the trend toward jumbo dogs doesn’t quite explain why the Labrador retriever is far more popular than other big breeds. The simple answer is that dog owners are mimics: Instead of studying up on breeds that might meet their particular needs, they tend to copy the dog-buying habits of the people down the street.

Ummm… no, that isn’t why overly inbred, drywall eating, dumb as dirt labs are popular. Although it is close.
I think it is because when you get in line to buy your SUVs to park in front of your McMansion, they issue them with the registration papers.

Wussy Australian father says his son’s bad back could be from a rifle butt.

Mr Hicks did not believe his son, who is awaiting trial on terrorism charges, had been subjected to the type of torture described in the US report.

But during a telephone conversation last month, David Hicks described how his physical health had deteriorated since he was detained in late 2001.

“He said his eye sight wasn’t too good and he’s got a terrible back,” Terry Hicks said.

“The back problem was because they didn’t give him access to a chair for a long time and he had to kneel all the time ” but it could have also been a (hit with the) butt of a rifle, who knows.”

Wow, since we’re speculating wildly, I think it was all the gay sex parties he was part of (as a wide receiver) that he attended while being a terrorist.

OK… it’s time for another installment of my need to purge at the film industry. For you longtime readers, you’ll understand that I could probably vent on the industry as a whole, but I prefer to go after one film at a time. It tends to spread out the fun that way. Plus, there are exceptions to every rule. So… here we go.

Wedding Crashers (R, July 15th, 2005)
Owen Wilson (Shanghai Knights, Starsky & Hutch) and Vince Vaughn (Swingers, Dodgeball) are apparently hard-up for work these days as they have taken on the roles of a pair of divorce mediators who spend thier weekends crashing weddings as part of an eternal coochey hunt. I’m not that desperate for entertainment… I think I’ll read a book instead.

Must Love Dogs (PG-13, July 29th, 2005)
This film depicts a divorcée’s quest for a new man through the use of online personal ads… with the unusual condition that whomever answers the ad “must love dogs”. I am rarely drawn to a romantic comedy, but the cast alone is enough to attract me to this film. Diane Lane (Rumble Fish, The Perfect Storm) is a talented natural beauty with what I can only describe as a subtle sensuality. Additionally, John Cusack (Say Anything, Grosse Point Blank) is a solid (yet unconventional) performer who brings a bright spot to nearly any film he attaches himself to. Unless you require a specific number of explosions to find a film enjoyable, then you may find this film to be some good solid entertainment. It’s possible that you could enjoy it… and you’ll probably get sensitivity points from your old lady for thinking of it. I’ve already added this film to my Netflix queue.

Hellbent (NR, August 12th, 2005)
This film is being advertised as the first-ever “gay horror film”… and no, we don’t mean happy. The story follows five gay men who are fighting to stay alive against the backdrop of a Halloween Carnival. Ummm… I’m sorry. Someone’s going to get offended by what I have to say… but that’s OK. I’m going to say it anyway. I won’t be seeing this film solely because I feel that the gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender community has intruded into my life enough. And I sure as hell don’t want to know where the film’s title came from… the images it brings to mind tend to make one shudder. Before anyone says it… NO… I’m not a homophobe. Some of my friends are gay, but they’re not obvious about it. I appreciate it when someone keeps his/her personal life just that… personal. I just got done having to endure “gay pride month” during which I was bombarded with a wide collection of banners, literature, films, and gatherings (just in my workplace alone). I’m not avoiding this film because of it’s content… but mearly because I’ve already had enough input on this theme. No thanks. Additionally, when next year rolls around, if the whole “gay pride” thing continues to invade my private space (no pun intended), then I’m going to spend the entire month of June wearing t-shirts with slogans such as “I’m Hetro… and I’m damn good at it!”

Stay tuned for Rant #3… at which time I’ll ask the question “What’s In a Name?” when I make a cross examination of the work of such actresses as Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel, Jessica James, and Jessica Simpson. Let’s be honest, if they went by the names like Gertrude, Beatrice, or Olga… would we care?

Last night we were in the Super Walmart… yeah, well you tell me where else you can get propane and scotch bonnet peppers at that time of night!

Anyways, so we were in the Super Walmart. I had on my Megatokyo Capture the b34r t-shirt. It’s a classic.

So anyways, this very propertly dressed young man of around 12 years comes running up and yells “Megatokyo! I love that!” right up to me. Seem’s he’s a big fan. I don’t blame him.

But the wife got a big kick out of the whole ordeal…

New poll is online… what is Matt Groening’s best work: Simpsons or Futurama.

And if you pick Simpsons, you’re way off base. Futurama is much better. It’s even based in the future!!!