Anarchy’s Film Rant #2

just before lunchtime on Tuesday, the 12th of July 2005 by Anarchy

OK… it’s time for another installment of my need to purge at the film industry. For you longtime readers, you’ll understand that I could probably vent on the industry as a whole, but I prefer to go after one film at a time. It tends to spread out the fun that way. Plus, there are exceptions to every rule. So… here we go.

Wedding Crashers (R, July 15th, 2005)
Owen Wilson (Shanghai Knights, Starsky & Hutch) and Vince Vaughn (Swingers, Dodgeball) are apparently hard-up for work these days as they have taken on the roles of a pair of divorce mediators who spend thier weekends crashing weddings as part of an eternal coochey hunt. I’m not that desperate for entertainment… I think I’ll read a book instead.

Must Love Dogs (PG-13, July 29th, 2005)
This film depicts a divorcÃƒ©e’s quest for a new man through the use of online personal ads… with the unusual condition that whomever answers the ad “must love dogs”. I am rarely drawn to a romantic comedy, but the cast alone is enough to attract me to this film. Diane Lane (Rumble Fish, The Perfect Storm) is a talented natural beauty with what I can only describe as a subtle sensuality. Additionally, John Cusack (Say Anything, Grosse Point Blank) is a solid (yet unconventional) performer who brings a bright spot to nearly any film he attaches himself to. Unless you require a specific number of explosions to find a film enjoyable, then you may find this film to be some good solid entertainment. It’s possible that you could enjoy it… and you’ll probably get sensitivity points from your old lady for thinking of it. I’ve already added this film to my Netflix queue.

Hellbent (NR, August 12th, 2005)
This film is being advertised as the first-ever “gay horror film”… and no, we don’t mean happy. The story follows five gay men who are fighting to stay alive against the backdrop of a Halloween Carnival. Ummm… I’m sorry. Someone’s going to get offended by what I have to say… but that’s OK. I’m going to say it anyway. I won’t be seeing this film solely because I feel that the gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender community has intruded into my life enough. And I sure as hell don’t want to know where the film’s title came from… the images it brings to mind tend to make one shudder. Before anyone says it… NO… I’m not a homophobe. Some of my friends are gay, but they’re not obvious about it. I appreciate it when someone keeps his/her personal life just that… personal. I just got done having to endure “gay pride month” during which I was bombarded with a wide collection of banners, literature, films, and gatherings (just in my workplace alone). I’m not avoiding this film because of it’s content… but mearly because I’ve already had enough input on this theme. No thanks. Additionally, when next year rolls around, if the whole “gay pride” thing continues to invade my private space (no pun intended), then I’m going to spend the entire month of June wearing t-shirts with slogans such as “I’m Hetro… and I’m damn good at it!”

Stay tuned for Rant #3… at which time I’ll ask the question “What’s In a Name?” when I make a cross examination of the work of such actresses as Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel, Jessica James, and Jessica Simpson. Let’s be honest, if they went by the names like Gertrude, Beatrice, or Olga… would we care?