OK… I read up on alot of entertainment news, which is probably why I can usually give you the scoop of films scheduled for release 2 years in the future… but am usually a little in the dark over the important real world news. Usually when film news comes my way, I pounce upon it like a jackal on a zebra carcass… however, lately there has been a serious decline in the value I place in the film industry. I think I first started to notice it when Lucas first started making Star Wars Prequels… the most frustrating of which was the Ep 3: Revenge of the Sith film. If you try to watch them in the order of 1-6, then #3 spoils 4-6. The Sith installment spoiled all of the surprises (especially the “I am your father” twist)… and completely stripped Vader of every bit of mystique.

I could go on about the SW series for pages, but that’s not the point of this post. I want to talk about films that have yet to be released… there’s a few I want to see, but not many. So here we go:

Undead (Release: July 1st, 2005)
Yet another zombie film… this time the plague of walking dead who crave human flesh are brought about by the impact of meteorites. I’m a fan of the genre… but let’s take a break from it for a few years. It’s been a few years since anyone’s done a good lycanthropy curse film… why not give that a try. (BTW… An American Werewolf in Paris (1997), Ginger Snaps (2000), and Brotherhood of the Wolf (2001) do NOT count… I said a “GOOD” lycanthropy curse film.)

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (Release: July 15th, 2005)
At no time, do I ever remember anyone ever saying that Gene Wilder’s 1971 film needed improving. “Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory” has a timeless appeal and is still proving to be a favorite amoungst children to this day. This new film is nothing more than yet another delivery system for the Tim Burton / Johnny Depp weirdness. I found it intriguing about 5-10 years ago (Ed Wood, Sleepy Hollow)… but it’s gotten very old. If they’d put that kind of effort into trying to make a serious drama, then I’d probably love it… but I guess that’s too much to ask from the director who brought us “Pee-wee’s Big Adventure”.

Tim Burton’s Corpse Bride (Release: September 23rd, 2005)
Once again… another Burton/Depp weird film. To the general masses… please… STOP ENCOURAGING THEM!!!

Legend of Zorro (Release: October 28th, 2005)
Alejandro Murrieta (Antonio Banderas) is returning to continue to the fight for the peoples… and is supposedly guided by the sage-like wisdom of Diego de la Vega (Anthony Hopkins) which is delivered in an Obi-Wan afterlife fashion. I love it… I can never get enough Zorro. However, I do have one issue. Rumors has hinted that Elena (Catherine Zeta-Jones) will be donning a mask and taking on the role of sidekick. DON’T YOU DARE! Zorro is the daring loner… it’s part of his charm. The last thing that Zorro needs is to be worrying about if his wife is going to get run through. Again… DON’T DO IT!!!

Mission Impossible 3 (Release: May 5th, 2006)
OK… the 1st MI film made me feel a bit nostalgic, which led me to spending the following weekend watching Peter Graves re-runs. That was fun. Then, the 2nd installment came out… and it was SO DULL. The wife and I went to the theater with the hope of a decent sequel, but weren’t expecting much. While we were watching it, I was fighting to stay awake. The acting was lousy and the plot had apparently been scribbled on the back of a cocktail napkin about 10 minutes prior to filming. At first I thought… “maybe it’s just me”. Then, my wife turned to me and asked… “When is it going to end?” So… what am I expecting from MI:3? Very little… I don’t find this film necessary in even the slightest degree. I may allow myself to watch it in about 10 years when it re-runs on one of the 3-character television networks.

Iron Man (Release: Summer 2006)
Yes… good ol’ Shellhead is coming to the big screen, and it’s about time. Rumors of casting Nicolas Cage, Justin Timberlake, or Tom Cruise as lead role have put me back a bit, but I’m still hoping for something good. Just please… please… keep to the story. For those of you unfamiliar… let me fill you in. Tony Stark (millionaire industrialist / inventor) is in Asia and accidentally trips off an explosive. Shrapnel finds it’s way to his heart, and he’s forced to wear a chest plate (which has a pacemaker integrated into it) to keep his heart pumping. He continues the thought to what he believes to be the logical end, and creates a fantastic suit of armor. Superhero-like adventures soon follow…

Wonder Woman (Release: Still Unknown)
If the casting is right, then I have high hopes for this film. My young daughters are big fans of the Wonder Woman story… so it is my sincere hope that I will find this film appropriate to take them to. I have been put off by many of the rumors surrounding who will be wearing the garb of the amazon princess (which have included such names as Sandra Bullock, Jennifer Lopez, Katie Holmes, and Lucy Lawless). Now… Joss Whedon (screenwriter, director) has a tendency to re-use some of his favorite actors from previous gigs… which is why I have high hopes that the role will be handed over to the beautiful Morena Baccarin (Serenity).

OK… I’ve said my piece for now, but you may hear back from me on this in the future.

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