Water, water, everywhere

in the wee hours on Thursday, the 14th of April 2005 by Variable

I’ll admit it, I’m a water snob. Many people drink fine wines, others drink exotic beers, I, however, reach for the ornate, nearly artistic, glass bottles of… water. I’m not certain why. Growing up I was raised on tap or well water, but certainly not Evian. Nevertheless, at some point in time, I unconsciously began to shun municipal water. Maybe it’s due to the occasional poor water source or aging piping systems that have dosed me with excessively chloric or iron-laden water, which has conditioned me to drink the sweet, sweet nectar of Fiji simply for it’s consistency. To make matters worse, I can’t seem to drink ANY water when it’s luke warm. It must be very cold.

Traveling to New York recently, I was posed with quite a serious dilemma. New York has one of the cleanest municipal water supplies in the nation, in fact, better than some bottled waters. Unfortunately, I couldn’t bring myself to embibe the stuff. To make matters worse, last year I gave up cola drinks, so my primary beverage is water. I had to hunt for bottles of water to satisfy my thirst. Hell I tell you… Hell…

Ultimately, I’ve come to the realize that if I had nothing other than tap water (or Arrowhead, which I personally consider no better than tap water), I would simply go without. Gallons of water could surround me, and I would die of thirst. One of my co-workers has taken a keen interest in my neurosis. I’ve explained to her my condition, and she disbelieves that I can taste a difference between tap water (or Arrowhead) and "poshy" water. She’s planning to give me a "taste test" one of these days. The Pepsi challenge is for pussies. Ok Mickey, it’s time to being my training…