Ninjas vs. Pirates - The Corner weighs in

mid-afternoon on Tuesday, the 1st of March 2005 by Chad

From a reader:

Jonah, as a longtime reader and admirer, I feel obliged to bring to your attention that the email you received and published in the Corner asking for more ninja anecdotes is an underhanded ploy in an esoteric game, a cunning gambit by evil forces who want you to be their pawn. What am I talking about? I am hesitant to describe it directly. Let me be very clear: If you bring up this subject on the Corner–the most divisive topic known to modern man–you will pay a serious price. You will not be able to claim ignorance when Kathryn brings the hammer down on you for your irresponsible thread-spawning, for you will have been duly warned.
But since I believe it is necessary for you to know what forces are trying to manipulate you, here it is, the Great Question:

Pirates or Ninjas?

That is the conundrum in its most basic form. Some might say "Which is better…?" or "Which is cooler…?" or "Who would beat up who?" Those are subsets of the essential question, as posed above. Everyone has an opinion. Men will go to their deaths to defend their answer. All other debates are like shadows on the cave wall, projected from the Pirate/Ninja question.

Do not be fooled: There is no compromise, and there is no third way. (Vikings? Robots? Ha! Vikings are pirates, and robots, as science fiction has proven, can be programmed either way.)

So, if you are really going to follow the advice of an apparent ninja-lover, you’d better think carefully about the consequences and know with absolute clarity what you are getting into.

Signed,

A Scurvy Mate who wants not to see ye perish…

And that is fair warning! From a long time pirate, I can tell you that our side is definitely winning! It takes way too long to train ninjas. A lifetime of practice. Whereas pirates just happen on a constant basis. Most of the ninja armies were destroyed back in the late 60’s and 70’s by badly acting secret agents. Very few ninja still survive today.

Whereas with pirates, well, the RIAA is constantly chasing after them. They estimate there are millions of people who are pirates. It is a growing career field, unlike computer technology.

For more on pirates vs. ninjas, please follow our history here…
http://www.pirate-king.com/episode/384
http://www.pirate-king.com/episode/564
http://www.pirate-king.com/episode/576