I saw this sad story, and wanted to post on it. But let me explain why…

I grew up under the circumstances of an obsessive relationship. My father was obsessed with my mother, my mother was a manipulator. Their sick twisted relationship is based on control & hate, no one has died yet (that I am aware of, or can confirm). But they have killed off all relationships, friends & family.

Obsession comes in many forms and has many results. Some can end in death, others in life long abuse, others in alienation, and still yet a variety of mixes of these and more. It is sad that there are people who are this way. Perhaps due to their own insecurity, or perhaps due to abuse they suffered, or perhaps due to some mental imbalance.

What makes me sad is there has to be an organization dedicated to teen dating violence. (I am glad it the help is there, but sad that it is needed). How do kids start so young with the abuse, how do they allow it?

I understand in part… because I grew up in an abusive home.. I watched my mother manipulate situations, my father carry out her demands, my brothers accept the punishment.. and I too for a time did, then I stopped and walked away from it. My parents now live hate-filled & lonely lives, where they come out of hiding to feed on the remains of others like scavengers.

But I don’t understand how people do not wake up and realize a situation is wrong.. and move away from it. If you are standing in flames, would you not get out of them? If you were in any dangerous situation would you not turn from it? So how is it there are so many people that run to it, time and again? There is something seriously wrong in their head, they have some serious mental misgiving that makes them need such things, and return to those types of relationships over and over.

I have tried to help friends who were in abusive relationships, I put a friend on a plane.. but she came back to her abusive husband. I never heard from her again. There were others that I tried to help, each one with similar results. Each time the victim would also cease any communication with me, either because of the spouse or because of their own choice.

I tried to help my parents with their situation, but my father kept returning to my mother, and each time he became progressively worse. She would infect him more and more, and isolate him more and more. He is now a bitter and sick man, with an evil,  manipulative, control-freak, hateful woman!

I dated a guy who tried to hurt me once, I quickly left him, my father questioned why I could not make it work.

“Make it work”.. you can not make a relationship work when you are with a lying, cheating, abusive person.. well he married one, so the concept of “work” for him is to be submissive and under that person’s control and allow them to continually abuse you or damage you in some manner.

If you know people like this, or are one, sadly how do we help them (or you)? Logic & reason does not work. Separating them from the situation does not work. Sadly these people if they are not going to be in that abusive relationship, will just find another one. So is there an answer? My parents are closing in on their 70s, I see no answer for them.

One in three high schoolers is involved in an abusive relationship – emotional, physical or sexual. It is a problem recognized by the federal Centers for Disease Control and Prevention as a health epidemic.

"A lot of times, what is really obsession can feel really loving in the beginning. and it is really flattering," said Cheryl Stueve, who through TESSA talks to teens about dating violence.

"All of a sudden, this person is here all the time, touching all the time. He’s jealous, and teens misinterpret that as ‘Oh, you’re so lucky. He cares so much.’ What they’re not identifying is that’s not happy; that’s not love."

TESSA is a nonprofit that focuses on prevention, intervention and treatment services for victims of domestic violence and sexual assault in El Paso and Teller counties.

Fisher has never spoken with Tiffany Howard, the then-16-year-old girl Brown was stalking the day Michael Fisher died and Jeremy Vasquez was critically wounded.

Vasquez was with Michael Fisher when Howard called him to pick her up at Doherty High School, telling him she was concerned about Brown. It was the first time Fisher had met her.

Brown followed their vehicle, in which 15-year-old Caleb Moore also was a passenger.

Brown shot Vasquez in the head, made a U-turn and killed Fisher as the rest of the teenagers got out to help Vasquez.

"I hope that (Howard) has learned something from this experience and doesn’t think that it was his undying love which caused that," Barbara Fisher said. "I hope she realizes that it was his sick obsession."

Fisher agrees with Stueve and Julie Sage, another TESSA worker who deals with domestic violence in rural areas, that the media has a lot to do with promoting obsession and Romeo-and-Juliet-like despair as love.

Fisher was shocked when she heard her son listening to Sean Kingston’s "Beautiful Girls," whose lyrics go, "You’re way too beautiful, girl. That’s why it’ll never work. You’ll have me suicidal, suicidal…" She confronted him about it and he assured her he only liked the song.

The group also agrees that it is crucial for parents to talk to teens about what healthy and unhealthy relationships look like.

"(Michael) had his heart broken lots of times, but we always had a really open relationship where he could come to me and say, ‘Mom, I’m hurt; she hurt my feelings. Why do girls do that? I don’t understand,’" Fisher said.

"I wasn’t deliberately nosey. I wanted to be cautious and make sure he was making good choices and wasn’t needing more help than I could give him."

Fisher no longer has a child to help with relationship problems.

"Everything was a first," Fisher said. "He was going to be out of school and on his way. And I was going to one day have grandkids. All those hopes are gone."

• • •

Teen dating violence warning signs for teens:

•He tells you he can’t live without you.

•She blames you for her problems.

•He breaks or hits things to intimidate you.

•Your weight, appearance, or grades have changed dramatically since you started seeing this person.

•He threatens to hurt himself or others if you break up with him.

•The person you are dating acts jealously, says jealous things, or exhibits aggressive behaviors towards you.

•He pressures you into having sex, or forces you to do sexual things you don’t want to do by saying, "If you really loved me you would…"

•She humiliates you and belittles your opinions.

Mom’s tragedy shows what love is and isn’t |

(No Ratings Yet)

 Loading ...

View Technorati blog reactions.

Related Posts