New Car

mid-morning on Sunday, the 28th of November 2004 by Capt Jake Fortune

So I’m buying a new car… so I’ve been looking at the forums out there by the car enthusiasts for the car I’m getting. Found this which was pretty damn funny:

What’s going on in the car forums?
Bentley Forums
- - - I used the ash tray today. How do I replace it?

Camaro/Firebird Forums
- - - My girl slept with my brother and my wife. How can I kill ‘em? btw, I have a record and I ain’t going back.

Mustang forums
- - -Some punk kid in a Civic tried to race me.

Monte Carlo forums
- - -Why do I keep getting pulled over, it ain’t stolen yo.

Civic forums
- - -Some punk kid in a Mustang tried to race me.

VW Bug forum
- - - The Save the Earth concert was a success (pics)

Yugo Forum
- - - When’s the last time yours ran?

Lamborghini forum
- - - Wind noise around 210MPH

Miata forums
- - - Some redneck jackass in a Chevy Tahoe just ran over my car (pics)

Chevy Tahoe forum
- - -Miata stuck in my undercarriage. How do I safely remove it? (pics)

Pontiac Fiero forum
- - - Just bought a new flame retardant suit (pics)

BMW 7-series forum
- - - Where to get service on my Rolex?

Cadillac forum
- - - Problems parallel parking at bingo.

Chevy Suburban Forum
- - - Is the price of gas going down anytime soon?

Buick Forum
- - - Is Medicare or Medicaid right for me?

Crown Victoria forum
- - - How come people never pass me on the highway?

Honda Accord forum
- - - Mom is giving me the car. Looking for some cheap, used 18 inch rims.

Toyota Echo forum
- - - Do our cars use AAA or AA’s?

Ferrari forums
- - - Need suggestions about a business trip to Colombia. Want to get in and out fast.

Porsche forums
- - - Tire just went flat. Is it best to trade or sell the car myself?

Saturn forums
- - - Roman candle landed on my fender. Melted and need to replace.

Jaguar forum
- - - Is the carbon fiber dash kit group-buy still on?

Mercedes forum
- - - My wife and her stink hole lawyer are trying to ruin me in divorce court. How do I get them both killed and not get in trouble with my medical board?

Mini forum
- - - Just flipped the Cooper after seeing The Italian Job. Suing the movie company. (pics)

Dodge Viper forum
- - - I frightened myself on the way home from work yesterday. How to get pee stains out of the leather?

McLaren F1 forum
- - -Some punk kid in a F16 tried to race me.

Dodge Minivan forum
- - - Where’s the best place to post the soccer schedule so I don’t forget where I’m supposed to be?

Hummer forum
- - - Had a fender bender today. 24 hurt, 10 killed. Do I have to get the black touch-up paint from the dealer? He’s 25 miles away. That’s $35 in gas.

Fiat forum
- - -Hello? Am I the only member?

Subaru WRX forum
- - - I hate cops. Got ticketed for drifting in the Walmart parking lot.

Chevy pickup forum
- - - How do I git the dried tobacco juice stains off the side of mah truck?

SRT Forums
“Will this void my warranty”

Supra Forums
- - -Head to big to fit in car, should have bought a Targa.

Vette Forums
- - -Why did I pay $50k for something with a Cavalier steering wheel?

Ford 2.3 forums
- - -Help! Replaced everything, still doesn’t start!

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3 Responses to “New Car”

  1. tina Says:

    ok this just killed me i love this post, thank you.. too funny!

    Another funny note was the mustang/civic.. hubbie had a mustany when i met him and i had a prelude.. he can share the humor and truth in that one..

    so many of those are really too close to the truth, love it!

    Of course I belong to an Element board, and there are a million things to cite from there, but if you don’t know Elements or Element owners, well you just would not get it.. Element folk hash out issues of mpg, how you change and upgrade and add on to your Element, about the treks taken (camping and living out of your “E” as Element folk call em), the defenders of Honda & the E (we can get really ugly when defending our E’s even against each other.. but it is a good community, we are a small minority but growing fast)..

    Chad is looking at the New Acura TSX for 2005 (nice vehicle even if it has issues with me, the voice activated navigation just won’t listen to me, errr..) but it suits him well, and my E suits me to a T!

  2. The LLama Butchers Says:

    Click and Clack This!
    After many years of thoroughly enjoying it, I stopped listening to NPR’s Car Talk when Tom and Ray started on their long-haired hippy crap diatribe against SUV’s. Well screw those guys! Chad the Pirate King has been car shopping and…

  3. Acorns from an Okie Says:

    Meta-Auto Forums
    If you like Click and Clack (Brothers of NPR’s Car Talk) and other auto-related humor, you’ll like Chad’s typical posts of auto-related message boards:

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