Manliness in danger of extinction
in the early morning on Wednesday, the 9th of July 2008 by Chad
I miss days of our grandfathers, back when men were real men.
Back then the game of dodgeball was played with rocks and the game of dodgerock was played with knives. I miss the days when everyone was a badass.
Somehow between then and now fate decided to take a steaming hot dump all over Darwin’s grave as a generation of salty war veterans gave way to a generation of scarf-wearing vaginas.
It hurts me to think that for years society stands idly painting its fingernails while icons like Clint Eastwood are replaced by wieners like Ryan Seacrest. If these generations of manly men were still alive they would spit tobacco juice in Ryan Seacrest’s face and then make him wash and wax their Trans Am.
Back in the good old days things were much simpler. Back then you could walk into a cafe and not be totally confused. This is because back then it didn’t matter if you were trying to order, cappuccino, mocha latte or espresso they were all called the same thing, scotch.
Back then four out of five doctors recommended smoking. This isn’t because of doctor’s ignorance to the dangers of smoking. This is because lungs used to be much more manly. Lungs used to be a manly shade of black instead of a girly shade of pink. But these days our lungs have devolved into an advanced state of weenie-ism making us incapable of enjoying rich tobacco goodness.
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(1 votes, average: 5 out of 5)
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July 9th, 2008 at 12:55 pm
I’ve got to agree with you on this point. That’s why films like Fight Club or the Die Hard films come off as such major successes. They weren’t necessarily great films (good but not great), but the general public is so starved for a decent tough-guy film that anything is “great” by comparison to most of the estrogen coated crap that passes for “entertainment” these days.
Were Lee Marvin alive today, he’d go nauseous at the sight of all the pansy stuff that airs on television today. I know I do…
July 9th, 2008 at 1:10 pm
Men like that haven’t disappeared; they’re still around. They’re just ignored by fey journalists and Hollywood. If women want to fight with their husbands over the nail polish and hair dryer, good for them.
In the meantime I’ll stick to the wit and wisdom of Jack Handey:
It takes a big man to cry; it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.
July 10th, 2008 at 4:31 am
I know that my opinion is probably not wanted here, being that of a woman, but - we miss the manly men too.
Show me yet another “metrosexual” and I will suddenly get the urge to play dodgerock.
Men should not wear pink. They should not get their nails done. They should never go to a plastic surgeon for a consultation. They should go to a barber, not a “stylist”. They should not spend more time primping than their women do. They should drink real drinks, not fru-fru umbrella fantasies. They can sweat, they can swear, they can go gray and even bald (what is more manly than a man who is confident enough to do that?)
They should be completely and unapologetically male.
July 10th, 2008 at 9:53 am
See? Women want real men.
Wasn’t there an episode on South Park about this? The one where the guys from Queer Eye came to town and turned all the men into metrosexuals? It turns out that they were Crab People. Even one of the early Family Guy episodes did it with Peter being sent on a Women’s Retreat.
July 10th, 2008 at 11:37 am
Well said. I completely agree.
I am not sure why it is happening, but manliness is dying.
Fight club was great!!!
July 11th, 2008 at 10:36 am
This made me laugh out loud! My favorite part was the part about the coffee bars.