Top Comedy Lines

just before lunchtime on Sunday, the 30th of March 2008 by Chad

“Dad! Mom, Dad, this is Larry Kroger. The boy who molested me last month. We have to get married.” - Clorette, Animal House

“I hate Illinois Nazis!” - Jake, The Blues Brothers

“Badgers? Badgers? We don’t need no stinking badgers.” - Raul Hernandez, UHF

“We’re gonna press on, and we’re gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he’s gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse. ” - Clark, National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation

“Husbands should be like Kleenex: soft, strong, and disposable” - Mrs. White, Clue

“I’m so rich; I wish I had a dime for every dime I have.” - Arthur, Arthur

“Excuse me while I whip this out…” - Bart, Blazing Saddles

“Lesbian Nazi Hookers Abducted by UFOs and Forced Into Weight Loss Programs - -all next week on Town Talk.” - George Newman, UHF

“Joey, do you like movies about gladiators?” - Clarence Oveur, Airplane!

“She’s gone! Oh my God, she used me. I was used. I was used! Cool!” - Jim, American Pie

“Now, she should be good-looking, but we’re willing to trade looks for a certain… morally casual attitude.” - Boon, Animal House

“God damn it, Mr. Lamarr sir, you use your tongue purdier than a twenny dollar whore!” - Taggart, Blazing Saddles