Coffee Review

just before lunchtime on Saturday, the 17th of November 2007 by Chad

Michele is back at a big victory reviewing her coffee choices…

Dunkin Donuts - My favorite. I drink two large DD coffees a day. It’s my crack. The daughter’s friends work there and I call them my crack dealers. We usually work out some kind of arrangement. Like, I walk in DD and they shove a large coffee at me. A FREE large coffee. In turn, I’m nice to them when they come over.
7-11 - Always tastes like it’s been sitting on the burner, no matter how fresh it is. Doesn’t matter. Their coffee jolts me like no other. Kickstarts my heart and keeps it hammering all day. I had to lay off of those kickstarts, though. The heart was hammering a little too hard. May have been all those free shots of extra caffeine they keep at the coffee counter. Hey, it was free. Like
McDonald’s - There’s hot, hotter, hottest and McDonald’s. I have no idea how the coffee tastes because it’s always too hot to drink. An hour later, I’m still cooling the damn thing off. Then it goes straight to cold and I gulp it down in one shot.
Deli coffee - You never know how long it’s been sitting there. Sometimes my coffee will end up with a hue somewhat like the skin of an old person who is days away from croaking. And I worked in a deli for years. I know that sometimes you’re getting decaf when you ask for regular. I know that sometimes the coffee is six hours old. I know that sometimes there’s unidentifiable things in the sugar, or the milk has been sitting on the counter since it expired three days ago. Still, when you need a quick fix, you cross your fingers and hope for the best if a deli is all you got.
Starbucks - Tastes like they scraped mud off the boot of a ditch digger and added scalding hot water, and made by people who think pouring coffee is an art form and you should treat them all like Michelangelo just painted Christ in your coffee. If you walk in there without reeking of the sweat of an indie rock fan, you feel like a nun who just stumbled into a bachelor party.

Heh. Yeah…. I still think Starbucks makes the crappiest coffee. But most people simply see a line of SUV driving soccer moms on cell phones at the drive through and figure there must be something to it and get in line themselves. Blech.

I like the comments on her post. Pretty much everyone says it tastes like acid rain ran through old charcoal.